1) What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired! 2) When you retire, you switch bosses—from the one who hired you to the one who married you. 3) When 'I'm too old for this shit ' becomes your daily mantra, you know it's time to retire. 4) Congratulations on quitting your job without being escorted out of the building. 1. "Retirement is the perfect time to start living like a child again - without curfews and homework!" 2. "Why did the retired teacher become a gardener? Because she wanted to help things grow, even after retirement!" 3. "Retirement is like a vacation in Las Vegas. Your goal is; enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money!" 4.
17 Funny Retirement Jokes LaffGaff, The Home Of Laughter
Wife: "How on Earth do you know which gender they were?" Husband: "Easy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone." (From Guy-Sports.com) A not-so-nice Canadian? An elderly. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! Retirement is not for wimps. Try not to laugh while reading it! The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income. Normal. I finally retired, now my coffee is decaffein-ated… just like my workload! Retirement: The world's longest coffee break. They say retirement is the time to relax, which is why I'm practicing my yawn. In retirement, every night is Friday night, and every day is Sunday! I wanted to make a joke about retiring, but I'm not working anymore. Best Jokes About Retirement 1. My wife and I have started aggressively planning for our retirement, and by that I mean we're playing the lottery 3-5 times per week. 2. If the music's too loud you're too old. 3. I've learned that saying "oh, this old thing?" isn't an appropriate way to introduce an elderly relative. 4. I love coffee.
Funny Retirement Quotes and Sayings with Image Quotes and Sayings
Happy retirement. I doubt anyone around here will even notice that you're gone. It's going to be strange walking into the office and not seeing your face. Your wrinkled, miserable face. Happy retirement. You were the best boss a company could have. Now go away and don't come back. You started work in the olden days and finished in your olden days. 1. Hunting Buddies A couple of retired buddies went hunting. After tramping through the woods for the day, Walt's friend clutches his chest before collapsing on the ground. Calling 911, he frantically explains his friend isn't breathing and appears to be dead. The dispatcher asks "First, can you make sure he's dead?" "Hang on" Walt said, Retirement jokes are funny and old age is certainly a funny thing too. Our bodies start to ache in strange places, hairs start growing out of even stranger places, and our memories start to fade. On the plus side, we get to retire and enjoy a life of leisure. Here's a collection of funny retirement jokes to celebrate that special time of life. 1. How do you know you are old enough to retire? Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! 2. Why don't drummers come out of retirement? Too many repercussions. 3. I know lots of jokes about retirement, but none of them work. 4.
Retiree Alarm Clock Humorous Retirement Paper Card
Entertainment 5 of the funniest jokes about retirement Jocelyn Nickels Oct 11, 2019 These retirement jokes are sure to have you laughing. Source: Getty Retirement gifts It was Harry's. 1. What do you call a person that's happy on Monday? Retired. Photo by David Em/Humor Living. 2. What's the best part of every job? Retirement. 3. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it'll take all day. 4. Why shouldn't you call a retiree at 8 PM? You might wake them up. 5. Why do many retirees go to church?
"In retirement, you have two options: travel the world or travel from the couch to the fridge." "The best part about retirement is that you can wear your pajamas all day and nobody cares." "Retirement is the only time when you can start a new career as a full-time grandparent." 8 New Retirement and Annuity Jokes Annuities . Here are some of the best retirement jokes that we could find with a few "wisdom nuggets" from authors, business moguls and even sports legends..
Funny Retirement Quotes and Sayings with Image Quotes and Sayings
Retirement Humor So you're retiring? Gettin' old? Laugh retirement in the face and lighten up with a bit of humor. Use the following retirement jokes and quotes for the final farewell speech, the farewell card, or just for a different perspective while you check your life savings: Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did. 31. You know you're fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards. 32. You know you're getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party. 33. To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid. 34.
