1. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" — David Letterman 2. "Let's be naughty. Enjoy! This Christmas, go easy on the Pepsi. — Home Alone It's hard to buy you something for Christmas when you got everything you ever wanted when you married me. [ find the card here!] In a world full of Grinches, just be a Griswold. — National Lampoon Why is Christmas just like a day in the office?
100 Funny Christmas Card Messages [Not TOO Naughty] » All Gifts Considered
What do you call a gingerbread ninja? - Ginjas! (We never get tired of this Christmas holiday joke!) Christmas is Claus for celebration! It's the most wine-derful time of the year. This holiday season let us treasure what is truly important in all our lives, the reason for the season: your Cookies. Bridger Winegar I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. Winston Spear "At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional." - Robert Godden This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it's better than all the other ones. Guy Endore Kaiser Ho Ho Ho! Have a very merry Christmas, or as Santa says, "happy holidays at the only time of the year I work." May Santa fill your stocking with gift cards, the only presents that say, "I have no idea what you like." May your Christmas lights work the first time, for once. Here's to a silent night, followed by a loud and joyful Christmas morning. Who needs Visa when you've got Santa? A Christmas goodie from me to you—eat it quick before I do. Nothing is as mean as giving a young child something useful for Christmas. I miss the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money. Don't get your tinsel in a tangle!
25 Funny Things to Write in a Christmas Card »
Nope. They do the same thing you do. They throw away your cards when they take down their decorations—assuming the cards last that long. Give them something to hang on to, not the usual, boring greeting card from a grocery store. Give them the gift of a good laugh! Here are lots of ideas for you to make and send your own funny holiday cards! 37 Funny Christmas Quotes To Ease The Holiday Hustle. 'Tis the season to stress out! The tree is the centerpiece of Christmas and the cause of numerous discussions each year—real or fake, 6 ft. or 8 ft., Blue Spruce or Fraser Fir, cut down or off the lot. We should remember the words of Larry Wilde when deciding on the tree, "Never worry. 14. "A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn't get into a single argument all day." —Melanie White. 15. "There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son. Melanie White Quotes - "A White Christmas". 26.) Christmas shopping for your parents is easy. Just buy them clothes you wouldn't get caught dead in. 27.) My husband's idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge. 28.) A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn't get into a single argument all day. 29.)
30+ Funny Christmas Quotes & Sayings That Make You Laugh
May your family be functional and all your batteries be included.". "Eat, drink, and be merry because it's Christmas!". "Hope your holidays are filled with love, laughter, and awkward family photos.". "May your sweater be ugly and bright, just like your Christmas spirit.". "Christmas is the time to be extra thankful—for wine Short Quotes for Christmas Cards. "May peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!" —Unknown. "Christmas is family, friends, hope, joy, memories, peace, and love." —Unknown. "At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year." —Thomas Tusser. "Blessed is the season which engages the whole.
More 2023 Funny Christmas Wishes. I've just received the bad news. Santa had a heart attack. Cause of death was your name on the good list of this year! There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. Are you short on time? Check out the editor's favorite funny Christmas card messages. For family: "In case I don't see you this Christmas, here are the answers to a few questions I know you would have asked… No. I am still not married, have no boyfriend, and yes I still have that shitty job. Merry Christmas." For friends: "Happy Holidays!
Funny Christmas Quotes for Cards and Crafts
November 01, 2022 Laugh, drink and be merry with these funny Christmas quotes! These humorous Christmas quotes are perfect for spreading holiday cheer when shared with family and friends. Or make it easy on yourself and pay someone else to do the work. And remember the reason for the season: to be grateful for what you have, to treasure your loved ones, and to be reminded of how nice it is that this mandatory family visit comes but once a year. This year, say bah humbug to boring old Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas messages.
